July 24, 2005 @11:46 pm
ASIAN EYES
Inspired by a late-night episode of Nip/TuckMum is always full of advice. Full of warnings and naggings too. But I know it is for my brothers’ and my own good. To repay her, I strove to be the proverbial Asian daughter: the obedient waif – the jade and gold of the family. It was a common Chinese saying that girls who are obedient and who make good wives are the treasure of the family – it is as if they are jade and gold, precious treasures that are worth loads.
So, I did my chores with nary a grudge. I buried my head in books instead of climbing trees and scraping knees like my older brothers did. I studied harder than anyone in my class to emerge top in class just so Mum could be proven right that we Asians are better than the
gweilos. I never wore tube tops nor went partying because that would be indecent and unbecoming of a young Asian woman. I dated only Chinese boys because of Mum’s belief that gweilos are foreign devils who suck your soul dry and are unworthy of the beautiful creatures from the East.
Until now.
Dave is a decent and honest young man who treats me like a princess. He holds a 9-to-5 job as an auditor, earning big bucks for pointing out others’ mistakes and potential to improve. He splurges on me and makes me feel so cherished and loved. He takes me out for walks along the beach where we count the stars and point out constellations. And he is the first person to give me a bouquet with a dozen salmon pink roses (my favorite), and to ask me to marry him. Dave iswas a dream come true.
The problem? He is not Chinese. Worse still, he is a
gweilo. That, and he was meeting Dad and Mum for the first time at my eldest brother’s engagement. Dad would be no problem. He would approve of any guy who treated his baby girl like a princess, even if they were
gweilo. Mum would be the tougher nut to crack. She was dead set against any
gweilo.
Mum had threatened to kill herself when second brother brought a
gweilo girl home for dinner one day. Of course, she did this after the dinner. Asian pride, she would say. Cannot lose face in front of guests. My second brother just brought home a girl he was dating. I was bringing home a guy I was marrying.
Dave knew the torture I was going through. Being the sweet guy he is, he made me lots of hot chocolate to keep my spirits up against the chilly weather. But hot chocolate can only do so much. No amount of hot chocolate would change Mum’s mind. In fact, hot chocolate in her mind is an uncultured drink unlike tea which is so full of art and culture. So one day, Dave sprung this surprise on me – he was going for plastic surgery to make his eyes look Asian. It was a crazy idea, but he convinced me to go along with it. After all, he was tanned, had olive skin, and rosewood brown hair.
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My Mother always said, “
Never trust gweilos. They take away China treasures. They give us flowers to smoke. Then they fight us and take our land. Never trust the gweilos.” So I listened to her, even though the teachers in school told us that Imperial Court gave the treasures to the British. It is terrible idea to defy your parents. You defy them, you give them no face. My mother liked face. So I give her face. After all, she gave birth to me. I owe her.
So I was very obedient to her. I talk little to the
gweilos. Quite easy actually, because we stayed in Chinatown above my father’s restaurant. My father would always boast that the gweilos do not know their left from right, because he could sell them fake Chinese food, and they loved it. He made chicken chop suey, chow mein with lots of cabbage, moo shu pork with more cabbage, chicken flour balls and egg roll with cabbage. Any self-respecting authentic Chinese restaurateur would not cook that in China. Or Hong Kong. Or Taiwan. Or even Singapore. But here, these fake Chinese food sold well. So my father sold it. It was a good way of making money.
Life then was simple – you have a family, you make money to raise them; your children are naughty, you discipline them. Now they have all those rules and books about family life. Cannot scold your own children, or beat them, or it will be abuse. These
gweilos do not know what they are talking about. They think that everything must be hugging and kissing. Then the world will go round and everybody will be happy. They do not know anything.
That is why I do not like the
gweilos. They pretend they know so much. But actually what they know, hmmmph! My own mother and father ate more salt than they ate rice. Who would be smarter?
I remember this customer who liked one of the waitresses in my father’s restaurant. He always came and ordered fried rice. When my mother put the fried rice in front of him, he would say how nice the fried rice is, then douse it in soy sauce. My mother makes the best fried rice in town. But it is off the menu, and only for special customers. What does the special customer do? He insults her with the soy sauce. Where we came from, you only added sauces if the food was not delicious enough. My mother always walked back to the kitchen muttering under her breath after making fried rice for him.
So you see,
gweilos are no good. That is why I told my daughter not to date them. I did not tell her to talk little to them, because I wanted her to succeed and earn big money. To do so, she had to talk to the gweilos. But a
gweilo as a boyfriend or husband is a no. I will never agree to it.
That is why I am so happy that Ming is getting married to a sweet Chinese girl. They call it an engagement, but in my thinking, engagement is marriage. Why get engage if not getting married? Waste your time and money and effort. Then you end up crying. Yin told me she will be bringing along her friend Dave. Dave is Ming’s friend, and is helping to set up the place. I like that. Friends should help each other. It has been a long time since Yin brought any boy home. She is of a marriageable age. My daughter will not be left on the shelf. She is pretty, just like her mother. She can attract any Chinese boy she wishes to get.
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It was a cool evening. With the sun setting over the horizon, the poolside looked fantastically romantic. White lilies were tied on waist-high bronze candle stands that held lavender-scented and –colored candles. Masses of soft white and lavender silk draped the pillars of the pavilion and covered the chairs. It all looked so surreal.
The food was carefully laid out on long stretches of tables. Avocado-shrimp salad, chow mein, deep-fried dumplings filled with shrimp and chestnut, scallops baked in extra virgin olive oil, tiramisu cheesecake… The spread was amazing. I could not wait to sink my teeth into them and taste the wonderful mix of flavours.
Chinese people must have food at their functions: birthdays, weddings, Chinese New Year, and even funerals. Food features heavily in all of these contexts. Each dish also has a special meaning. But big brother’s engagement was different. It had glorious food alright, but the food was not so full of meaning. It was food to cater to the tastes of his and Ling’s friends.
Yin. My heart did a little dance when I heard that familiar voice. Dave came over, put his arms around my waist and gave me a quick peck on my cheek. He asked for my opinion on his workmanship. He was in charge of the food. I put my arms around his neck and gave him a kiss for a job well done. The delight in his eyes at the affirmation from his dearest was so sparkling clear.
You look really beautiful. I smiled. It could have been us being engaged today, we were just so excited about big brother’s engagement.
Then I sobered quickly. Yes, big brother’s engagement. Mum and Dad would be here any minute, and they would proclaim their judgment on Dave. I felt like a young girl who did something wrong and was awaiting her punishment outside the principal’s office. Dave knew how anxious I was and gave me a warm, reassuring hug.
Xiao mei! (That’s little sister in Chinese). Mum and Dad are here. Put on your best front Dave, Ling and I are behind you!
Mum, Dad, this is Dave, my boyfriend. I had to soften the blow. Could not call him my fiancé.
Hello Uncle and Auntie. Silence. It was obvious that Mum and Dad were not fooled by Dave’s Asian-metamorphosis stunt. They shook his hand.
Hi Dave, we’re Yin’s parents and we’re Chinese.
Now what would you make of that?! But they had turned around and left to talk to big brother and Ling. My heart sank. They knew… they knew! And they did not accept him. But I love him! My mind swirled. I had to do something, and I had to do it fast. No, not fast. At the right time. Yes, I will talk to Mum when the time is ripe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three months later, I was back at the same poolside. This time, the flowers were pink roses and the candles were white and vanilla scented. The silk drapes were pink and white. Very feminine. And this time, the engagement party hosts were Dave and I.
Big brother had seen Mum and Dad’s reaction when I introduced Dave to them. They were expecting a Chinese Dave who loved their daughter and treated her like a princess. They thought he had good taste and did the place up nicely for big brother and Ling’s friends. That is, until they saw him in full flesh.
Big brother and second brother both knew I was in for it. But they had also seen how impressed Mum and Dad were with Dave before they met him. Big brother had also seen how wonderfully gentle Dave was with me. And, big brother and Dave were fast friends. So my two wonderful brothers rallied together and debated with Mum and Dad about Dave and me. Actually, big brother did more talking because he was the ‘spotless one’ when it came to relationships – he had never brought home a
gweilo girlfriend.
When my parents refused to budge, big brother dropped a bombshell.
Stop being sticks in the mud you two. Dave loves Yin so much that he went for plastic surgery to make his eyes more Asian. All this just so you would not get angry with Yin for choosing a gweilo boyfriend. Think about it. He went for an operation to change his looks just to win over his girlfriend’s parents. Then my brothers left to entertain the guests.
Two days after big brother’s engagement party, Mum and Dad asked me to bring Dave home for dinner. After dinner, they told us that they have a rule:
none of their children are allowed to date or even marry gweilos. Our hearts sank.
But Dave has shown himself worthy of Yin. We approve.
And that was how Dave and I got permission to flout the ‘no
gweilo’ rule.